Happy Birthday, Mr. Bard.

On this, the occasion of the 449th birthday of William Shakespeare, I have a few things to share with you.

First, the Folger Shakespeare Library here in DC is offering a special in his honor. Their showing of Twelfth Night  begins on April 30th, and if you buy a ticket today, you can get it for $30 instead of the usual $50-$60. I went to see Henry V there a few weeks ago and was pleased as all get out; it was well worth the $54 ticket. So, if you will be in the DC area anytime between April 30th and May 26th, let me know ASAP and I'll get you the details.

Next, nothing says Happy Birthday, Shakespeare, like letting your friends have it old-school style. You may already be familiar with this brilliant tool; if not, enjoy.

Shakespeare Insult Kit

Combine one word from each of the three columns below, prefaced with "Thou":

Column 1     Column 2            Column 3 

artless             base-court          apple-john
bawdy               bat-fowling         baggage
beslubbering        beef-witted         barnacle
bootless            beetle-headed       bladder
churlish            boil-brained        boar-pig
cockered            clapper-clawed      bugbear
clouted             clay-brained        bum-bailey
craven              common-kissing      canker-blossom
currish             crook-pated         clack-dish
dankish             dismal-dreaming     clotpole
dissembling         dizzy-eyed          coxcomb
droning             doghearted          codpiece
errant              dread-bolted        death-token
fawning             earth-vexing        dewberry
fobbing             elf-skinned         flap-dragon
froward             fat-kidneyed        flax-wench
frothy              fen-sucked          flirt-gill
gleeking            flap-mouthed        foot-licker
goatish             fly-bitten          fustilarian
gorbellied          folly-fallen        giglet
impertinent         fool-born           gudgeon
infectious          full-gorged         haggard
jarring             guts-griping        harpy
loggerheaded        half-faced          hedge-pig
lumpish             hasty-witted        horn-beast
mammering           hedge-born          hugger-mugger
mangled             hell-hated          joithead
mewling             idle-headed         lewdster
paunchy             ill-breeding        lout
pribbling           ill-nurtured        maggot-pie
puking              knotty-pated        malt-worm
puny                milk-livered        mammet
qualling            motley-minded       measle
rank                onion-eyed          minnow
reeky               plume-plucked       miscreant
roguish             pottle-deep         moldwarp
ruttish             pox-marked          mumble-news
saucy               reeling-ripe        nut-hook
spleeny             rough-hewn          pigeon-egg
spongy              rude-growing        pignut
surly               rump-fed            puttock
tottering           shard-borne         pumpion
unmuzzled           sheep-biting        ratsbane
vain                spur-galled         scut
venomed             swag-bellied        skainsmate
villainous          tardy-gaited        strumpet
warped              tickle-brained      varlot
wayward             toad-spotted        vassal
weedy               unchin-snouted      whey-face
yeasty              weather-bitten      wagtail

Finally, though I know some of you have read it already, allow me to share with you a sonnet I wrote a while back. There's a little part of all of us that likes the bad guy, right?

Perceptions, Likely Unpopular

And there is the HERO, noble virtue,

perhaps societal pariah, but

seen by the wisened audience, the few

supremacists, the flower, choicely cut.

With vitriolic hate and awful fear

They despise Macbeth's wife, curse the woman

who, unwomanly in her husband's ear,

stole martial manhood from that weakling man;

Champion talk of mercy in Venice,

Nodding to mention of godliness, but

watch the Jew, justifiably, iwis,

deprived of bountiful mercy -- and what?

What of the glimmer of him, and of her,

The enticing sheen of what they both were?