Next, nothing says Happy Birthday, Shakespeare, like letting your friends have it old-school style. You may already be familiar with this brilliant tool; if not, enjoy.
Shakespeare Insult KitCombine one word from each of the three columns below, prefaced with "Thou":
Column 1 Column 2 Column 3 artless base-court apple-john bawdy bat-fowling baggage beslubbering beef-witted barnacle bootless beetle-headed bladder churlish boil-brained boar-pig cockered clapper-clawed bugbear clouted clay-brained bum-bailey craven common-kissing canker-blossom currish crook-pated clack-dish dankish dismal-dreaming clotpole dissembling dizzy-eyed coxcomb droning doghearted codpiece errant dread-bolted death-token fawning earth-vexing dewberry fobbing elf-skinned flap-dragon froward fat-kidneyed flax-wench frothy fen-sucked flirt-gill gleeking flap-mouthed foot-licker goatish fly-bitten fustilarian gorbellied folly-fallen giglet impertinent fool-born gudgeon infectious full-gorged haggard jarring guts-griping harpy loggerheaded half-faced hedge-pig lumpish hasty-witted horn-beast mammering hedge-born hugger-mugger mangled hell-hated joithead mewling idle-headed lewdster paunchy ill-breeding lout pribbling ill-nurtured maggot-pie puking knotty-pated malt-worm puny milk-livered mammet qualling motley-minded measle rank onion-eyed minnow reeky plume-plucked miscreant roguish pottle-deep moldwarp ruttish pox-marked mumble-news saucy reeling-ripe nut-hook spleeny rough-hewn pigeon-egg spongy rude-growing pignut surly rump-fed puttock tottering shard-borne pumpion unmuzzled sheep-biting ratsbane vain spur-galled scut venomed swag-bellied skainsmate villainous tardy-gaited strumpet warped tickle-brained varlot wayward toad-spotted vassal weedy unchin-snouted whey-face yeasty weather-bitten wagtail
Finally, though I know some of you have read it already, allow me to share with you a sonnet I wrote a while back. There's a little part of all of us that likes the bad guy, right?
Perceptions, Likely Unpopular
And there is the HERO, noble virtue,
perhaps societal pariah, but
seen by the wisened audience, the few
supremacists, the flower, choicely cut.
With vitriolic hate and awful fear
They despise Macbeth's wife, curse the woman
who, unwomanly in her husband's ear,
stole martial manhood from that weakling man;
Champion talk of mercy in Venice,
Nodding to mention of godliness, but
watch the Jew, justifiably, iwis,
deprived of bountiful mercy -- and what?
What of the glimmer of him, and of her,
The enticing sheen of what they both were?