On this, the occasion of the 449th birthday of William Shakespeare, I have a few things to share with you.
First, the Folger Shakespeare Library here in DC is offering a special in his honor. Their showing of
Twelfth Night begins on April 30th, and if you buy a ticket today, you can get it for $30 instead of the usual $50-$60. I went to see
Henry V there a few weeks ago and was pleased as all get out; it was well worth the $54 ticket. So, if you will be in the DC area anytime between April 30th and May 26th, let me know ASAP and I'll get you the details.
Next, nothing says Happy Birthday, Shakespeare, like letting your friends have it old-school style. You may already be familiar with this brilliant tool; if not, enjoy.
Shakespeare Insult Kit
Combine one word from each of the three columns below, prefaced with "Thou":
Column 1 Column 2 Column 3
artless base-court apple-john
bawdy bat-fowling baggage
beslubbering beef-witted barnacle
bootless beetle-headed bladder
churlish boil-brained boar-pig
cockered clapper-clawed bugbear
clouted clay-brained bum-bailey
craven common-kissing canker-blossom
currish crook-pated clack-dish
dankish dismal-dreaming clotpole
dissembling dizzy-eyed coxcomb
droning doghearted codpiece
errant dread-bolted death-token
fawning earth-vexing dewberry
fobbing elf-skinned flap-dragon
froward fat-kidneyed flax-wench
frothy fen-sucked flirt-gill
gleeking flap-mouthed foot-licker
goatish fly-bitten fustilarian
gorbellied folly-fallen giglet
impertinent fool-born gudgeon
infectious full-gorged haggard
jarring guts-griping harpy
loggerheaded half-faced hedge-pig
lumpish hasty-witted horn-beast
mammering hedge-born hugger-mugger
mangled hell-hated joithead
mewling idle-headed lewdster
paunchy ill-breeding lout
pribbling ill-nurtured maggot-pie
puking knotty-pated malt-worm
puny milk-livered mammet
qualling motley-minded measle
rank onion-eyed minnow
reeky plume-plucked miscreant
roguish pottle-deep moldwarp
ruttish pox-marked mumble-news
saucy reeling-ripe nut-hook
spleeny rough-hewn pigeon-egg
spongy rude-growing pignut
surly rump-fed puttock
tottering shard-borne pumpion
unmuzzled sheep-biting ratsbane
vain spur-galled scut
venomed swag-bellied skainsmate
villainous tardy-gaited strumpet
warped tickle-brained varlot
wayward toad-spotted vassal
weedy unchin-snouted whey-face
yeasty weather-bitten wagtail
Finally, though I know some of you have read it already, allow me to share with you a sonnet I wrote a while back. There's a little part of all of us that likes the bad guy, right?
Perceptions, Likely Unpopular
And there is the HERO, noble virtue,
perhaps societal pariah, but
seen by the wisened audience, the few
supremacists, the flower, choicely cut.
With vitriolic hate and awful fear
They despise Macbeth's wife, curse the woman
who, unwomanly in her husband's ear,
stole martial manhood from that weakling man;
Champion talk of mercy in Venice,
Nodding to mention of godliness, but
watch the Jew, justifiably, iwis,
deprived of bountiful mercy -- and what?
What of the glimmer of him, and of her,
The enticing sheen of what they both were?